My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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