Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
