I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
