this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
