chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
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