i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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