Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
