I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
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