I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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