Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
