sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
