just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
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