I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
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