Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
