I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Drunk is a universal language darling
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