Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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