cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
