i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Randomize
