How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
