Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Everclear isn't food dammit
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
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