Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Randomize
