I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
