This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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