She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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