i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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