I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
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