we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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