Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
