Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
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