You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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