I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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