she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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