i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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