sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Randomize
