I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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