just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
