well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
We have so much sex to catch up on
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Randomize
