Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
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