He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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