Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
