white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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