well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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