New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
