I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
