she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
