her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
This girl is more easily done than said...
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
