My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
