"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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