why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
