i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
