Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
