if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I pour the whiskey from now on
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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