so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
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