I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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