Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize