Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
