Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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