Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
