My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Success! We fucked roommates!
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
