Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
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