I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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