Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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