So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
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