you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Everything about him screamed your future.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
