We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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