Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
