It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
