The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
