I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
