I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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