hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
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