One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
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Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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