You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
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