Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
